“Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.” —George Orwell
I’ve been writing pretty heavily since JaNoWriMo of 2010. I know that’s not long, considering how long so many other people have been writing, but it was still a big deal for me.
I hadn’t hit any major walls before with writing. With NaNoWriMos I could just go forth and hit my word count without much struggles, and most nights I could dedicate a couple hours to writing.
But the past two months have been hard. I thought that NaNo this year would help pull me out of my funk, but instead it just seemed to make it worse.
I have had major writer’s block, and it had completely overtaken my ability to consider writing on many nights, including blog posts. I admit, that I let it get to me much more than I should have, but I became exhausted from the effort it took to push words out. It was something I hadn’t experienced before. So that’s partly the reason for my silence here, lately. I felt guilty and terrible that I couldn’t put pen to paper and make things happen.
I know might sound dramatic, but hey, this is where I talk about things like feelings.
I am still working through it, writing this blog was something I figured would help me start. I didn’t finish NaNo – I only got about 18k down, and I’m not very happy with it. I realize now though that I should be happy I even have something, it’s more words than what I had before, but I’m still disappointed that I couldn’t make it to 50k.
I think what made this the hardest was that it was my first time really going through a period where I felt that it just wasn’t working, that I just couldn’t write. The need was there, but when I sat down it just. . .went blank. There were several outside influences contributing to this as well, and they are things I am starting to work through. In general October-November was a hard month for me, and I’m hoping to push my way through for a better December to finish off the year.
The first step is I’m going to just sit down and write. No matter what comes out. The second step is to work less, and try to push more focus on what I love doing most and not the day job. Also, to not just lay on the couch when I get home, because that place sucks you in and doesn’t let you go. But it is hard, after working a long day in front of a computer. So I’m going to try to get away from my desk more at work. Also, writer’s groups. I have had way to much anxiety about just. . . everything related to going to meet ups in my area.
/takes a breath
On the plus side, I have been working on cosplay a lot, which has been great for still getting some creative energy out. I’ve learned how to make necklaces, though they are very rough when looked at closely, I’m still pretty proud.
So anyways, I don’t know if this is correct way to handle what I’ve gone through, I’m definitely up for any advice so that I don’t fall so deep down the rabbit hole next time.